


Suddenly, You

by MilenaPandora



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, POV Second Person, Romance, oldfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 03:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10778745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilenaPandora/pseuds/MilenaPandora
Summary: He makes you feel like you matter. He wouldn't throw you away





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Series of connected 100-word drabbles. Originally posted December 2007.

**Title: Invisible**  
  
_I'm going crazy_ , you think, completely forgetting the plastic cup in your hand. You've been drinking all night, since eight, to be precise, ever since someone passed you the bottle of tequila and the party started.  
  
Now you're sitting on the sofa, staring at _him_ , but he won't look at you. To him, you are just another object in the room; you hate him for it, but you'll never tell him.  
  
He's older than you by five years, and you wonder why he's at a high school party. _He loves Yunho_ , you remember, and you scoff. Everyone loves Jung Yunho.  
  
  
**Title: Perfect**  
  
His lips are soft, his skin perfect. He's a model, you remember, the face of a designer brand. As such, he has to be perfect. And he is.  
  
When he kisses you, the world ceases to exist; there's only the two of you, your back against the bathroom door, his arms around your waist. "More," you tell him. He smirks, making you weak in the knees, making your heart beat so fast you're afraid it'll break through your chest.  
  
You shiver when you feel him opening the front of your jeans. You moan, wanting this more than anything. He complies.  
  
  
**Title: Drunk**  
  
Yunho is watching you, has been for the last ten minutes or so. You ignore him, though. He's drunk—when isn't he?—and you see Yoochun watching the two of you, probably wondering who will make the first move, while he sips on a bottle of beer.  
  
_He_ has been away for a few weeks now. Everyone knows what happened between the two of you; they also know that you meant nothing to him. The thought hurts, but you bear it. You're not a child anymore.  
  
"No, you aren't," Yunho says. You realize he's not the only one who's drunk.  
  
  
**Title: Flawless**  
  
You feel strange after Yunho first kisses you. He has been watching you for days, and you have finally begun to wonder what it would be like to kiss him, to have him touch you like _he_ did not so long ago.  
  
His lips are thinner, his skin is rough rather than soft and flawless. He doesn't smell like flowers. The muscles of his chest are hard and defined.  
  
You wonder if he would fuck you, hard and mindlessly, or maybe he would make love to you. He certainly makes you feel like you matter.  
  
He wouldn't throw you away.  
  
  
**Title: Pretend**  
  
Jaejoong tells you that Yunho is "disgustingly in love with you." You tell him he's crazy, but you allow Yunho to hold your hand when you're together. You don't want to admit it, but he acts like the perfect boyfriend, even brings you small gifts or candy when you meet just before the start of class. You don't love him, but, what does it matter? It's not like _he_ will ever come back professing love to you.  
  
So you kiss him back, you allow him to hold you and make love to you. Yunho knows you're pretending. He doesn't care.  
  
  
**Title: Envy**  
  
"He thinks you love him," Yoochun tells you one day. It's lunch time, and Yunho and Jaejoong are somewhere else, you don't know where. And you don't really care, either.  
  
"No, he doesn't," you reply, your voice sounding cold even to yourself. Beside you, Yoochun exhales. He doesn't speak to you at school, most days, keeping his distance. Today, he's sitting to your left, drinking from a can of iced tea instead of one of his precious beer bottles. Unlike you, he has money, connections, friends, everything you wish you could have.  
  
But you have what he wants the most.  
  
  
**Title: Time**  
  
"Look who's here," Yunho says as he opens the door. You're surprised to see _him_ sitting on the sofa, his hair long and red. Heechul has changed very little, and you still want him so much it hurts.  
  
He ignores you the next few minutes. You listen to their conversation with half an ear, unable to do anything but watch his gestures as he tells Yunho of some photoshoot at some beach. His hands are beautiful, and you remember the way they felt on you that night more than six months ago.  
  
Time doesn't forget, and, apparently, neither do you.  
  
  
**Title: Reality**  
  
"He's jealous," Jaejoong tells you, grinning. You can see Yunho talking with Yoochun and Heechul not far from you, but he looks nervous, unsure.  
  
"No, he's not," you deny.  
  
When your eyes meet, and he smiles, you wonder why in the world you aren't in love with him.  
  
Then he's coming over, and you can feel Heechul looking at you, but you don't look back. You don't really expect it when Yunho grabs your hand out of the blue, but, somehow, you're glad that he's here, reminding you that he's real and not some fantasy that will never be yours.  
  
  
**Title: Love**  
  
Junsu's laughing hard at some joke Jaejoong has made. You didn't think they had anything in common, but they have surprised you. Five months together and counting.  
  
Yunho is laughing, as well, eyes smaller in mirth. He thinks they're adorable.  
  
"Jaejoong really loves him," he told you a few days ago. You thought you saw a hint of regret in his eyes. But he only kissed you, choosing not to speak about whatever was bothering him. You wonder what it is you're missing.  
  
Suddenly, Junsu squeals—Jaejoong is tickling him. They're so cute you nearly gag, and yet you smile.  
  
  
**Title: Pride**  
  
Heechul came over again, and he hasn't taken his eyes off you all night. The others don't seem to notice; if they do, you don't care. He's beautiful, sexy; you desire him enough to leave Yunho's side.  
  
However, you remember how he treated you months ago, before Yunho became your world. _He doesn't love you_ , you tell yourself, gripping Yunho's hand like a lifeline. _He_ watches you, though, gaze burning into your skin, calling to you, slowly breaking you away from the only one who can save you.  
  
Yunho let's go. That's all that it takes.  
  
To hell with pride.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Temptation**  
  
He catches you alone a few days later as you walk home from school. You're not surprised to see he's driving his black sports car, wearing the sunglasses he thinks make him look so mysterious. You can see right through him, though, just like you did at the party just a few nights ago.  
  
"You hungry?" he asks. His lips remind you of heated kisses in the bathroom, after you had left Yunho's side for what was supposed to be only a moment. _He_ knows you, he knows your weaknesses.   
  
He knows that your knees still buckle at his sight.  
  
  
**Title: Thrill**  
  
His apartment is elegant, modern, just like you imagined. Heechul grins at the awe in your face, but you don't care.  
  
"It's beautiful," you say. He doesn’t answer, though, grabbing your hand, pulling you to the sofa. His kisses are hot and demanding; you give in without a second thought, helping him undress you, undressing him, until all you can feel is his skin, his mouth, him and only him. He takes you on the leather sofa, the soft fabric absolutely sinful against your naked skin. You laugh softly as you come, letting go. You have never felt so free.  
  
  
**Title: Guilt**  
  
A look into Yoochun's eyes tells you all you need to know. He looks angry—no, he looks hurt. As if he had any right to feel that way.  
  
"How could you?" he asks, glaring hard at you. You can only look away, refusing to answer a question he has no right to ask. You did what you wanted, what you had desired for months, long before Yunho ever showed any interest in you.  
  
"Yunho loves you. How could you betray him?" His breath hitches, and you finally look at him, tears running down his face.  
  
But you feel nothing.  
  
  
**Title: Fantasy**  
  
He never says he loves you, but that's the way it has always been. You see him when he wants to see you, and you lie to Yunho those nights—no one will doubt you if you say you need to study.  
  
You haven't told anyone that you're back together, only Yoochun knows. He hasn't told Yunho, you don't know why. Sometimes you wish he would.  
  
You want to feel guilty about giving in to temptation. You know Heechul could hurt you again, but you're hanging on to him, unwilling to let go.  
  
He's yours now. That's all you want.  
  
  
**Title: Regret**  
  
Jaejoong's gaze is accusing. You try to ignore him, but you finally find out why both Junsu and Yunho hesitate to deny him anything he asks.  
  
"Is it true?" he asks. For an instant, you want to tell him to mind his own business, that you will do whatever you please, and you owe him nothing. You owe Yunho nothing.  
  
But then he looks at you—anger, pain, _betrayal_ , they lie in the surface, they awaken something inside you that you wish had remained dormant.  
  
You turn to leave when you feel the first tear fall. Jaejoong doesn't let you.   
  
  
**Title: Hurt**  
  
Yunho smiles warmly when you meet at Yoochun's days later. For a moment, you think you could lose yourself in his soft gaze, but you shake those thoughts away. That's not why you've come.  
  
You haven't seen him outside from school for days; even there, you always have an excuse not to see him.  
  
"You need to tell him the truth," Jaejoong insists. He's right, of course. Yunho deserves better.  
  
But when he says "I missed you," and he holds you tightly, you realize you don't want to hurt him, you never have. Because hurting him would mean hurting yourself.  
  
  
**Title: Fear**  
  
_You're a coward_ , you berate yourself. Nevertheless, you bury your face in the crook of his neck, unwilling to let go just yet.  
  
During the party, he holds your hand, he laughs, he kisses you and he tells you he loves you. He has never said that before, but you feel your heart swell. You want to say it back, but you choke, guilt beating at you.  
  
When he takes you somewhere private, you give yourself to him like never before. And it's Yunho's name in your lips, never _his_ , never.  
  
You finally realize you don't want to lose him.  
  
  
**Title: Torn**  
  
You keep putting it off, but you really can't help it. Four days have passed since Yunho told you he loves you, and you're feeling torn.  
  
It should be easy, you think, to decide between the two men in your life. Heechul hurt you not so long ago, pushed you aside like you were trash. Now it looks like he might have feelings for you, but now, _you_ have changed.  
  
Yunho, on the other hand . . . _Why am I doing this to him?_ you wonder for the thousandth time.  
  
You think you still love Heechul, but, do you?


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Lies**  
  
"Do you love me?" The question catches him off guard, you can see when he looks up from the magazine he’s reading. Heechul is good enough an actor to never show when he's surprised, but you know him, better than he thinks.  
  
His answer becomes evident as the silence stretches.  
  
You don't know why, but you laugh, unsettling him further. You knew the first time, months ago, when he suddenly decided you were worthy of his time. It meant nothing. It still doesn't.  
  
But now, you have so much to lose, and, for a moment, you hoped . . .  
  
  
**Title: Lost**  
  
You _know_ the next time you see him. He _knows_ , you can tell by the pain, the betrayal in his eyes. You're almost sure he'll yell at you—he looks so upset—but, instead, tears spill down his face. Almost immediately, he turns around and walks away. You're surprised by how much it _hurts_ to see him cry.  
  
"Why didn't you tell him?" Jaejoong tells you first chance he gets. He looks upset, but you're not surprised—he and Yunho are best friends, have been since middle school.  
  
"Who told him?" Not that it matters, really. You've already lost him.  
  
  
**Title: Pain**  
  
"I told him," Yoochun tells you maybe two days later. Yunho hasn't spoken to you again; he goes out of his way not to cross paths with you. You thought you could move on. You never really loved him, why should breaking up make you feel like the world is ending?  
  
You want to ask why he did it, but you know the answer.  
  
"I'm surprised you didn't tell him before," you say. But Yoochun shrugs, looking away from you as he lights up a cigarette.  
  
"I thought it was the right thing to do." He knows he was wrong.  
  
  
**Title: Selfish**  
  
Heechul frowns and glares the next time you see him. You didn't expect him to be happy about the break up. You didn't expect him to come back at all.  
  
"Why did you tell him? To get back at me?" You want to scoff, but shrug instead.  
  
"I didn't tell him," you reply. He exhales.  
  
Everyone knows there are only two people he cares about: himself and Yunho. Which is why you have always wondered why he worked so hard to pull you away from him.  
  
"He hates me," he says. You scoff, shaking your head.  
  
"Tell someone who cares."  
  
  
**Title: Dreams**  
  
In your dreams, you don't walk away from Yunho that night now months ago. You ignore the man who used to haunt you in your dreams, the one who hurt you so deeply you think there must be real scars etched into your heart.  
  
In the mornings, you wake up with tears running down your face, and your mother remarks on your red-rimmed eyes, but you dismiss her concern.  
  
As the day progresses, and he ignores you over and over again, you wish you could close your eyes and escape back into dreamland, where nothing hurts and nothing is lost.  
  
  
**Title: Pity**  
  
"You're an idiot," Junsu insults you when he and Jaejoong come over to your apartment. He hates you for hurting Yunho; he reminds you every chance he has.  
  
"Junsu," Jaejoong scolds him. At once, Junsu stops and sits down on the sofa, crossing his arms over his chest, pretending to ignore you.  
  
"You need to talk to Yunho," Jaejoong surprises you next. Yunho is miserable, he doesn't eat or smile, or anything, or so Jaejoong claims.  
  
You doubt Yunho wants to see you, but Junsu snorts derisively.  
  
"Sadly, he's as much of an idiot," he says. Jaejoong sighs, but agrees.  
  
  
**Title: Steps**  
  
"Yoochun will make sure he goes," Jaejoong tells you. It’s just another party at Yoochun's, but you haven't been there in weeks, ever since . . .  
  
Yoochun receives you when you finally get there. He's holding a bottle of beer in one hand, eyes dark and unreadable. You had thought he would move in as soon as you were out of the picture, but he has managed to surprise you once again.  
  
He doesn't speak, though, only gestures toward the balcony.  
  
You take a deep breath and walk toward your destination, your feet heavy. There's no turning back now.  
  
  
**Title: Cold**  
  
He stares at you for what seems like forever. For more than a minute, you think of walking away, afraid that you'll see hatred in his eyes.  
  
Instead, he smiles, nothing but pain and regret, and . . .  
  
"Changmin," he says, calmly. How you have missed the sound of his voice, your name on his lips. He looks tired and thin, and you're secretly happy that he loves you that much.  
  
You don't waste a moment, sitting next to him, close enough that your shoulder brushes his.  
  
His hands are cold when he reaches out to hold your hand.  
  
  
**Title: Honest**  
  
"I knew you didn't love me," he tells you, staring forward. You bite your lip, saying nothing. You haven't been this close to him in weeks, and, now that you are, you wish you could stay like this forever. He's warm, he's _yours_. Why did you ever want to leave him?  
  
"But I hoped you would," he continues. He loved you long before Heechul, he says, but he didn't think you would be interested.  
  
"I'm nothing like him," he says, like it's a bad thing.  
  
So, he doesn't have money or fame or Heechul's otherworldly beauty.  
  
No, Yunho's much better.  
  
  
**Title: Promises**  
  
He smiles whenever you tell him you love him, though you sometimes think he doesn't really believe it. You broke his trust, his _heart_ ; now he is more careful.  
  
He still gives himself to you in the darkness of his bedroom, his kisses passionate and demanding, his hands soft, but strong against your skin. As his lips linger on your neck, your chest, you wonder, over and over, why you ever gave this up. Each time he takes you, he makes you feel complete, his body fitting against yours perfectly.  
  
You’ve always been his. You just didn’t know it, yet.


End file.
